Unfortunately, the comments on my elevator pitch no. 1 were more of praise for my opportunity rather than advice on how to give a better second pitch. The comments I received gave me confidence that I am on the right track with my pitching as well as my opportunity. I was surprised by some of the feedback I received acknowledging the global water crisis. Many people denounce it as a major issue but we can see that even in the US places like Flint, Michigan are dealing with major clean water issues.
My pitch is very similar to my first pitch but I did want to make sure to emphasize this time that only parts of the Dominican Republic suffer heavily because of this issue, not the entire nation.
I absolutely love the passion you have for raising awareness about such an important issue- I think there is huge progress to be made in this area and entrepreneurship is about having an impact just as much as it is about creativity and innovation, so good job! For your pitch, the only suggestion I have for you is to try and speak as if you are having a conversation with a friend rather than giving a presentation.
ReplyDeleteYou can check my blog out here if you're interested: http://sofiaent3003.blogspot.com/
Jose, I thought your points in the presentation were great. Remember, your pitch you should dress to impress, the t-shirt should be set aside for the next. I would like to see more of your expression and passion for your cause. I could hear it in the words you spoke, but I did not see the or feel the expression from you and think you should as Sofia mentioned, pitch as if you know me and you are arguing your point as to why your point of view (product) is better than your friend's product. Otherwise, I am on board.
ReplyDeleteHere is my blog if you interested: http://sonjasevolution.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2_17.html
Jose,
ReplyDeleteI liked your pitch a lot! It seems like you really know what you're talking about, and like you said in your description, you do seem very confident in this idea. It helped me picture what more good could be done when you gave examples of what the locals could be doing with their time, rather than walking miles to go get water. Great job there. During your pitch, you said that you want us, the viewers, to raise awareness. I think that following that statement, you should include how we can do that. Otherwise, I think the feedback from the comments above is solid, and your next pitch will be spot on! Feel free to check out my blog at: http://uffarmer.blogspot.com/
Dear Jose,
ReplyDeleteThe attention grabber at the beginning was really great. However, I think you could use some work in your speech. It seemed too prosaic and sort of boring. All are things that can be improved. On another not, I am really glad that you are trying to alleviate our world's water woes. I actually have been keeping up with the water crisis and shortage, and I think it is a wonderful time to be honing in on green opportunities. Great luck! Check out my blog: http://camivilla10.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2.html